I’ve recently become a glass half full, always a silver lining, don’t stop believin’ (oh-o-oooooooohh) kind of girl. Maybe it’s motherhood, a subtle side-effect of getting older, my recent craving for self-improvement, or a beautiful combo of all of the above, but lately I’ve felt a shift towards this more optimistic version of myself and I’ve gotta tell ya…I’m ~kinda~ in love with her.
Now…I wasn’t always this way. In fact old me would have accused new me of being naive, a Pollyanna, unrealistic, and essentially ridiculous. Maybe you feel that way reading this too?! I would have silently scoffed, rolled my eyes, and ultimately left good ol’ karma to do her work on my reckless ways (not very nice…I know).
But this newfound positivity is proving to be pretty darn great, and my fresh take on life has me wondering – Why didn’t I subscribe to this mindset sooner? Why was I metaphorically going home when I could have been going big? Why would I just “do” something, when I could “overdo” it in the most positive, life-giving, soul-nourishing kind of ways? Nearly 35 years into life and I’m fiiiiiiiinally freakin’ ~living~.
Here’s the kicker (and why you might want to keep reading)—
Before you think “good for her, not for me”, “must be nice”, or “lol”, I want you to know I shouldn’t be feeling this way right now. I’m busier than I’ve ever been, more tired than I thought was humanly possible, over-touched by a toddler, lonely and missing the man I love most, overwhelmed with a million tabs open (both mentally and literally), and barely fit in my jeans. Oh…and have you been watching the news!?
Yet I’m happy, excited, content but motivated, and finding myself in more moments that have me making mental memories and reaching for the polaroid more than ever before. At the risk of sounding like your favorite aunt, how I got [here] is the message I would go back and impart to my younger self in a heartbeat, and it’s the info I would share with every woman possible (besides the facts that bladder leakage isn’t normal, sex shouldn’t hurt, and a tight pelvic floor isn’t a good thing…of course).
I can’t help but reveal how I’ve intentionally made and manifested this level of joy in my life. This message is ~literally~ oozing out of me and just can’t (nor should it) be stopped. So if you too could use an attitude overhaul, feel like life is a hamster wheel of boring and busy, or are simply looking for a bit more pleasure in your days, the following is how I close my eyes every night, even on a Tuesday, even in our current world status, and can consistently rate my last sixteen-plus hours a ten out of ten.
STOP AND NOTICE
This step has been one of the biggest game changers for me, because as an “achiever” on the enneagram, I tend to constantly rush through life towards the next checked box. But I realized I was speeding past all the best parts. By pumping the breaks and stopping to reallllllly pay attention, the petty has become perfect, the basic has become beautiful, and the mundane has become magical. For instance—
Just last night I ate Sloan’s leftovers to hold me over before cooking my own dinner, did dishes when I would rather be reading, and spent more time than I wanted to rocking my girl to sleep. But I paused to observe through all of it.
Those hotdogs were #noshame delicious and the noodles were perfectly salted and buttered (my compliments to the chef!). I felt the warm water rush on my hands while washing dishes and took the opportunity to let my mind wander to new ideas and fond memories. When I rocked Sloan to sleep, I breathed in the smell of her hair, felt her eyelashes on my cheek, and remembered someday I would ache for the opportunity.
I’ve learned that there’s beauty in just about everything if you pause to look long and hard enough. And the more you practice, the more those moments will find you.
AVOID MULTITASKING
First hear me say this…multitasking is not “bad” – sometimes it’s necessary when trying to fit all the things into a 24-hour day. But studies have shown that multitasking actually slows down your productivity each and every time, and I’ve discovered that if you ~truly~ want a day that you can give a five star rating, your mind has to be as close to 100% as possible on the activity at hand to fully appreciate it.
Have you ever had one of those Mondays where someone asks you how your weekend was and you literally can’t recall what you did? [That’s] often a result of multitasking. You could have done or seen or experienced the most amazing things, but if you weren’t truly “in” it, the lasting effect won’t be as grand.
The brain will always tell you there’s something more important you could/should/would be doing…and most of the time there is. But multitasking means you’re more likely to miss those “stop and notice” instants, and keeps you in that “go, go, go”, “day in and day out” mentality.
The ability to focus in a superpower, and if you can give your full energy and attention to one thing at a time – take in the view, get on the floor with your babes, put down the phone, drink a glass of wine while you cook dinner (that’s not multitasking, btw) – you’ll begin to see a difference in your days. Consider this your permission to “be” with all your heart, soul, and senses. While this tunnel vision can’t happen all the time, I encourage you to channel it whenever and wherever possible.
BE INTENTIONAL
Your day is full to the brim with choices, and while you can make decisions based on ease or convenience, my life experiences have exponentially improved by intentionally using pleasure as a guide instead…feeling in purpose on purpose.
I occasionally take the long way home because it has a better view. I reach for the mug in the back of the cabinet because it somehow makes my coffee taste better. I put on the background music (and drink that glass of wine) while cooking dinner. I buy the products that support my health goals.
You know what makes you happy, and if you don’t, this is your perfect opportunity to learn. When a this versus that, A or B situation arises, take an extra second to weigh the pros and cons and deliberately choose the one that makes your heart skip a beat. It might take longer, be a touch more inconvenient, cost a bit more, or even ruffle a few feathers, but your joy is a worthy priority, and I recommend acting accordingly.
DOCUMENT GRATITUDE
Research shows that thankfulness benefits physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health with everything from better sleep to less stress and enhanced relationships. And while I’m still trying struggling to become a regular journal-er, I’ve found it much easier to keep a note on my phone entitled “gratitude” and add five things to my running list every day.
I’ve documented things like the perfect temperature on an afternoon walk, the noise Sloan makes after she sneezes, a fridge full of nutritious food, and a podcast episode that spoke to my heart right when I needed it. And I’ve gotta tell you about a few things that happened after starting this simple practice—
(1) I catch myself looking for the good in a day and look forward to an excuse to jot down something to be thankful for. (2) I notice appreciation-worthy moments everywhere all day long. (3) I recognize past gratitudes as they come up again and again and can recall positive memories far easier.
Our brains are wired to emphasize the bad over the good as a survival mechanism. Like…yes, those flowers are pretty, but did you see the lion just beyond them??? In modern terms, this is why you can have 1,000 likes on an Instagram reel but all you focus on is that ~one~ negative comment. Documenting thankfulness…big or small…can help shift that perspective to a mindset that highlights the positive more often than not, and therefore contributes to a day you can look back at fondly, even if it wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows.
BE MEDIOCRE
Hi, me again…the “achiever”, perfectionist, and go-getter who’s here to tell you (and remind myself) that you don’t need to do everything to your best abilities. Deep breaths…I know this is hard for some, but it’s about dang time we realize that pressuring ourselves to put our energy where it doesn’t serve us is robbing us of so much more.
Does it really matter if the laundry is folded perfectly? Or if dinner is fresh out of the oven? Or your makeup looks flawless? Or that email has all the proper punctuations? Or your workout is at least an hour long?
I was taught from a very young age to put my best effort into everything. And while I still subscribe to the idea that many things deserve my utmost care and attention, I’ve also learned that some just don’t. I have so(ooooo) much more physical and mental energy to dedicate to what really matters when I stop committing to perfection with everything else.
Simplifying is the secret to sanity, and you get to decide what stays and goes. Once you do, it’s so freeing to move past the obligations that really aren’t obligations at all, and spend your time on the things that yield a higher reward.
Maybe you’ve caught this, but I want to be clear – loving your life and making every day a ten out of ten doesn’t require perfection, hard work, or denying your emotions. Heck! It’s ok to be frustrated, annoyed, upset, and grieving; in fact, I believe life’s meant to be fifty-fifty good and bad, happy and sad, easy and hard, beautiful and ugly, and literally every other set of opposites known to (wo)man.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t pursue happiness in every sense of the word.
I want these practices to catch on, to become a trend, to go viral and spread like wildfire because more of [this] is what our world needs. But we also don’t need another to-do on the list, ya know? Amazing, magnificent, is-this-my-life days can be yours with zero additions to your daily tasks. This is about mindfulness and intentional integrations into the life you’re already living…all you have to do is start.
You may not know what lights you up or your passions might be hidden under years of trudging along, making do, and getting by. The good news it that you can flip that switch or pick up a shovel and start digging whenever you’re ready. When you do (oh, I hope you do), I’d love to hear what strategy from above you start with first.
I’d like to think I have sixty years left in me, seventy if I keep taking my beef liver supplements! It’s never too late to start loving your life and anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous. If reinventions are wrong, I don’t wanna be right, and how you view your days is the perfect place to create that transformation.
– Amanda
Disclaimer: The content provided here does not constitute medical advice, nor is it a substitute for personalized healthcare. If you have concerns about a medical condition, diagnosis, or treatment, you should consult with a licensed healthcare professional.
